When Will We Be Home?

I lived in the same house my whole life until I left for college. In the three years since then, I have lived in five different places. I still consider the house I grew up in, the one I will return to on Monday for a couple short weeks, to be my home. Yet I also call this house I'm sitting in now home. It seems strange how normal that is to me now, though for the last couple days I have not felt at home.

What defines home for you? Is it the house itself? Perhaps it's the items that you recognize - your bed, the kitchen table, the ugly couch in the living room. Maybe it's the people; after all, home is where the heart is right? That would explain my comfort in calling two places home. My family is in Richmond, while my closest friends are here in Boone. In fact, that even clears up why I have felt like I am in a foreign place all day. Some of the people whom I love most have left town, as the semester has finally finished and Christmas break is here.

Am I sad that they are gone? Of course. Even the knowledge that we will be together again in a month doesn't replace the fact that right now I am apart from those who mean the most to me. When I leave Richmond to return to school in January, it will be the same. Although my family and I will not be separated for an unusually long time, there is a certain emptiness that accompanies that separation.

Doesn't this completely describe our lives here on Earth? Our God, our Father, our Love is in heaven. And while He is present with us on Earth in the Spirit, this is not our home. John Ortberg discusses this thoroughly in his book Faith and Doubt, in what is easily one of the best chapters I have ever read. Just a couple quick thoughts he shares:

"Maybe home is where God is. And maybe it will be awhile before we feel at home."

"We long for home because we know we are not fully there yet."

These made me consider Christmas in a new light. When Jesus came to Earth, He introduced something that had not existed here since the beginning of time - perfection. I imagine that to be with Christ while he was on the earth would not have been unlike being with someone you love in a place you would not normally call home. The world was still full of sin, and man was still unable to stand perfect before God as in the beginning. But even though our nature remained sinful, Jesus came to redeem us. And He came to us so that we would later be able to come to the Father.

We may have to wait a while before we are with God, but as I have said before, it should be something we anticipate eagerly. As we look forward to Christmas, not only can we celebrate Christ's coming but we can await the day when we are home. Any pain, disappointment, sadness, or despair that we feel in this world should serve only as a reminder that one day we will no longer be away from home.

No more disconnection

Show me revelation

And shine a light onto the road

Though I know salvation

There is separation

And my heart it cries for home

~ Paul Colman

Colder Than A Bald Penguin

Winter is finally starting to settle in! I am much more excited about the cold air than many people, even though the snow hasn't quite taken over our town yet. I find it much easier to be optimistic about a decent skieason when I'm not able to wear short sleeves in December though, so this last week has been quite nice.

I always find it difficult to find things to do once it gets colder. The mountains provide plenty of activities during the warm months, but unless you're skiing there aren't too many options when it's below negative freezing. Here are a few things we've been occupying ourselves with these past few cold days.

* Video games. We're guys, what do you expect? When you have some down time, shooting aliens or kicking around a soccer ball (read "pushing buttons") is a great time waster without having to face the frigid air.

* Jigsaw puzzles. Another great way to spend free time, if you have the patience. Fortunately my roommate and I both enjoy them, despite our general lack of any notable attention span. While some people may find them frustrating, for me it's been a wonderful means of keeping stress down as exams approach.

* Bringing Christmas to the home. My sister was kind enough to find a tree proportional to our house, and it has been a great reminder of the approaching celebration of Christ's birth. Not only that, it compliments our always-present Christmas lights around the room and the smell is always an excellent addition to any home. Of course we had to decorate it appropriately!

How do you keep busy when it's too cold to go out?

Waiting On Our Feet

What are you waiting for?

I, along with thousands of other college students, am currently waiting for the next two weeks to be past. The semester is coming to a end and the stress is everywhere, between exams, papers, shopping, and holiday plans. To say it's a busy time of year would be a gross understatement.

Waiting rarely involves simply sitting around until something happens though. Think about something you've had to wait for. What did that process look like? Anticipation? Fear? Impatience? Excitement? Depending on what you're waiting for, there can be quite a variety of emotions involved.

To narrow it down, think about something that you specifically were eager about, but had to wait for. The first thing that comes to my mind is our family's annual beach trip. Every year we spend a week at the beach, the only part of the year that everyone is on vacation together for any extended amount of time. From the moment everyone arrives home after leaving to the day we return the next year, every one of us is looking forward to that week. In fact, I am already excited about it now, even though I have over eight months more to wait.

My anticipation of that week invokes a number of different feelings. I get impatient knowing that it will be quite a long time before I no longer have to wait anymore. I am excited thinking about the fun I expect to have. There is even a calming effect, knowing that although I have so long to wait, I will have an entire to week to relax and unwind. My anticipation of that week makes me long for the months to pass quickly so it will be here sooner.

One of the things that I love so much about the Christmas season is Advent itself. Looking forward to Christmas Day is very exiting for me. As I was reminded recently, we not only anticipate the celebration of Christ's coming to our world, but we also eagerly await His return. When we consider that as well, there is even more reason to be excited. Awaiting Christ should not be something we do in a nonchalant manner. His coming is appropriately viewed with uncontainable joy and excitement. If we so frequently find ourselves impatient waiting for things in this world, how much great should our yearning for Him be!

This has always been one of my favorite songs of the season, and the lyrics could not more accurately portray our desire during Advent.

Come, thou long expected Jesus

Born to set thy people free

From our fears and sins release us

Let us find our rest in Thee

Israel's strength and consolation

Hope of all the earth thou art

Dear desire of every nation

Joy of every longing heart

Born thy people to deliver

Born a child and yet a King

Born to reign in us forever

Now thy gracious kingdom bring

By thine own eternal spirit

Rule in all our hearts alone

By thine all sufficient merit

Raise us to thy glorious throne

~Charles Wesley

Are You Satisfied?

What do you want?

I know what I want, in fact there's quite a list of things right now. Here are the first few things that come to mind.

* Music gear. Some specific things, but really anything. I absolutely love playing around with new equipment.

* New skis. It seems practical since the season is approaching fast and I like to see how new technology applies to my favorite pastimes.

* Rest. Not necessarily sleep, but rest. I stay so busy, even though it's often with things that I enjoy, that I find myself simply worn out more and more often.

* Comfort. I'll admit it, my house is fairly cold. That's what happens when you're in college and have to pay for heat.

I frequently get frustrated by things that seem petty and unnecessary. Usually my first reaction to that is to focus on myself. What will make me feel better? How can I avoid dealing with this? Why am I involved in this in the first place? Such questions usually only lead to more frustration, and often a cycle develops and evolves into a day-long pity party. Recently I took an entire morning just to think and pray about a particular bothersome issue, and a few points stuck with me.

A contented believer is the sign of a satisfying Christ.

That sentence came up during a Bible study with the worship team over the summer, and has since been ringing in my head. Everything that I desire, everything I want at any given moment is extraneous if it is not Christ. Even when I become worked up and anxious about things, God is waiting to provide peace. When I worry about how to handle the situation, the Spirit is waiting to bring clarity. And if I sit here wishing I had a friend to talk to, He is waiting to surround me with love and comfort me fully.

Being content doesn't mean we can't desire things. I still wouldn't mind a new pair of skis, but that doesn't mean I'm not satisfied in Christ. However, the question that needs to be examined iswhat fulfills us? Is it the box with our name on it under the Christmas tree? Perhaps it's the people who are close to us, or our abilities that we take pride in. Even if those things provide some sense of happiness, how much greater satisfaction is waiting to be found in Christ? Or maybe we can still enjoy those things with the understanding that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17). Our contentment in Christ can be shown in our acknowledgement that the things in this world which we love are given by Him.

We can still enjoy the things that we have in this world, but our satisfaction ultimately needs to be in Christ's sacrifice that redeemed us.

I'm Not Waterproof

I am absolutely terrified of water.

I'm not sure how this fear developed, but the thought of open ocean or the deep sea honestly scares the heck out of me. I don't have any problem swimming in the ocean when I'm at the beach, or showering in the morning, but when I think about the vastness of the oceans and how much water there is, I get chills. Consider this:

Many people know that 97% of the Earth's water is found in the ocean. It is also a well known fact that the oceans cover over 70% of the planet's surface.

Slightly less-commonly known is that there are over 300 million cubic miles of water on Earth.

One gallon of water weighs a little over 8 pounds.

One square foot of water equates to about 62.5 pounds, so one cubic mile comes out to be just over 9 TRILLION pounds. Or 4.5 billion tons, if that's easier.

Now remember the one about there being over 300 million cubic miles of that stuff? See where this is going? Water is heavy, and there's a lot of it on this planet.

I think that's what frightens me the most. I get overwhelmed by massive amounts of anything, and water is such a regularly-occuring daily element that it's easy for me to get a good grasp of the enormity of the oceans. For example, it's been raining since I woke up and there is a local flood warning through the rest of the day. It would be impossible for me to walk outside and to my car without getting wet.

Is it any wonder that we so frequently use rain as a metaphor for things that come from God?

Rain down your love. Rain down your mercy. Let grace rain. The list could go on for days, and it could not be more a more appropriate representation of what we should desire. Think about walking outside during a total downpour. In mere seconds your hair is drenched, your clothes become soaked through, and almost instantly you are entirely covered in water.

Fortunately for us, this is the reality of God's love. We need to earnestly seek His goodness to overwhelm us, but we also should realize that He already pours out His heart on us. The Father's grace has been fully revealed in the cross, as has Christ's love. God's mercy surrounds us in the simple fact that we wake up in the morning, able to breathe praises to His glory.

I may fear enormous amounts of water, but this comforts me. Even though I am amazed by the abundant love and grace God pours on us every single day, I know that any fear I have is in reverent awe.

We're already drenched, so there's no point in trying to stay dry.

Be Still, My Soul

I recently brought home a new laptop since my old one is now officially deader than dead. Among the thousands of music files and pictures I came across a small collection of old journal entries. I read through a few out of curiosity and have since found myself in a very strange emotional state. These lyrics were included in a writing from one of the darkest times of my life, and I could not help but be completely dismantled at the realization of Christ's mercy and grace in my life. It will always be one of my favorite hymns, and the conclusion of the second verse in particular is one of the strongest reminders to me of the Lord's faithfulness.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide

In every change He faithful will remain

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past

Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake

All now mysterious shall be bright at last

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below

Be still, my soul; though dearest friends depart

And all is darkened in the vale of tears

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart

Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears

Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored

Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last

~Katharina von Schlegel

Relevant Worship

This Sunday brings the start of a new sermon series on the Kingdom of God. At rehearsal tonight, our worship pastor mentioned the thought of exclusively choosing "King" and "Kingdom" songs. What I didn't realize until a few hours after we finished was that he wasn't actually kidding.

While it wasn't obvious to me at the time, all of the songs we will sing Sunday morning point to God as the King. It seemed cheesy and funny when the idea was first shared, and because of that I missed both the reality of it and how appropriate it really is. I do think that it was smart to not make it too obvious (in case people like me in the congregation quickly become distracted by the irony), but it occurred to me this evening just how much the songs we sing at church really pair with the rest of the service to glorify God.

For discussing a topic such as God's Kingdom, it is pretty obvious that singing songs with comparable lyrics makes sense. But have you considered why? I believe the "worship is more than just music" nail has been hammered in enough for the most part, so I have been focusing on how music and teaching actually contribute to each other. Here are a few simple facts that helped bring things together for me.

1. Worship originates in truth- be it the Gospel story, who God is, etc. Worship starts with facts.

2. Musical worship at the beginning of a service is a good way to communally acknowledge our desire to further seek God.

3. Teaching allows God to reveal his truth to us while we are willing to listen (not that He needs to wait for that, but I have a feeling He appreciates when we actually want to hear Him)

4. Musical response gives us an opportunity to again sing truths, with new inspiration.

Do you see how these tie together? Singing about a specific theme, hearing a sermon on that theme, and then singing about it again allows it to not only be driven into our heads and hearts, but it gives us a better opportunity to realize the truth of that theme. In this case, the theme is God as King over everything. Take a look at the songs we have for Sunday, and if you have time I definitely recommend listening to them as well.

O Worship the King

Come, People of the Risen King

Name Above All Names

Revelation Song

Behold Our God

I don't think I have to explain how these are related, and since I realized all this I've been much more anxious to hear Sunday's sermon. You probably don't go to a church that is entering the exact same series, but the concept still applies. Next time you're at church, take a moment to meditate on how God leads us through worship to fully reveal Himself (even if the songs don't all share a single word). It's spectacular how in maximizing the focus on Him, the King draws all glory to Himself.

Sad Machines

An ageless question, universal-

They're asking why

Creation destined cries flood the night in pain

They say if You are real, then take it away

But man will only look to You lying on his face

Now we lie awake, with shut eyes

So to forever forget this

Their cries, this agony, injustices, suffering-

Symptoms of a larger disease,

Inside of me and you and me

So try to close your eyes and make it fade away

But open and you'll see

This stain is you, this stain is me

Now so many wonder why it is

So much has gone awry in all of this

And being makes you sigh that you exist

But you can't escape this

Seemingly undeserved is your lot

But generations passed and you forgot

We chose to eat our fill and fell to naught

This pain is here, reminding us to turn and leave,

To come back home

Pointing to show us the way

~Project 86

Pieces

Yesterday morning, God taught me a lesson.

I believe that God is always instructing us, helping us grow in many ways. But yesterday He came to church, soared right up on stage, and gave me a good firm shake in front of the entire congregation. He allowed me to be embarrassed, anxious, and finally humbled before Him and my church family.

Yesterday morning, my trust in fallible things got the better of me.

During the first service I noticed that one of the switches on a pedal I use wasn't quite working properly. It still worked, but needed a good stomp to activate it, something that bothered me just enough to try to fix it. As soon as the service ended, I set to work. I've had this exact same problem many times before, and I've done the same quick fix successfully every time. The housing for the switch tends to come loose, so I just have to pop it open, fiddle around, and tape it back up. However, when I put everything back together, I realized that I had forgotten to reapply the tape. No big deal, I'll get through second service and take care of it before third. So I plugged my guitar back in, turned my amp back on, and hit a test chord.

No sound.

We still had a few minutes before starting time, so I ran through what should have been a quick diagnostic- pulling out various pedals until I found the culprit, and make do without it for a while.

One pedal gone, no sound.

Two gone, no sound.

Three, no sound.

9:45 came quickly and I finally took a glance up to see 650 pairs of eyes focused on me, frantically messing around with stuff instead of starting the first song. I began panicking- if I can just get something to work, maybe they won't notice things are different.

A quick aside here for those of you that aren't familiar with the technology. The source of the problem was a pedal that I never turn off. It goes on when the first song starts and off when the last one ends. It's the thing that makes everything sound like it's supposed to- full and chimey and worshippy. Never have I played without it. Ever. Think of it as a singer's microphone or a drummer's drumsticks.

Back to my near-panic attack. I finally got a sound from my amp, at the cost of half my pedal board and the first 5 or 10 minutes of the service. Still everyone is staring at me. But we started.

And we got through the first song. And the second and third, and soon we were done. I didn't even bother trying to fix anything after that, at risk of causing even more problems. To be honest, I was completely flustered throughout the entire service. I was frustrated at my inability to fix the problem. I was upset that I wasn't comfortable with the necessary adjustments I had to make. Even though the people around me were helping out and encouraging me the whole time, I was agitated and ungracious.

I've had small kinks in services before. Forgetting to turn my amp on, not turning the volume up on my guitar, hitting a wrong chord here and there. But I've never been in a situation like this before. And for the next 12 hours, God was speaking one message to me.

I am always in control, let Me handle it.

I texted my sister during our break in second service, asking her for prayer. As I did, her favorite verse was echoing in my head.

Be still and know that I am God.

My confession is that I am rarely able to do that. I sure wasn't able to then, even while I spoke those words to myself. If I run into a dead end, I think I can find a way around it. I can fix a problem. I can resolve an uncertainty. Sure, God will help me, but I still think that I am capable of handling it.

My pride still stands in the way of trust. Even when we started playing and I knew that we were praising God despite the setback, I was concerned with the fact that I didn't do as much as I thought I should have. This song by Red was on repeat on my ipod all day after church, and I can't possibly think of a more appropriate statement. Take a few minutes to listen and focus on the lyrics.

God completely shattered my comfort in front of everyone yesterday. This morning I was still shaken up by the impact it had on me. I was entirely struck down so He could come in and take control, so He could show me in the most dramatic way that even though I fall apart, Christ makes me whole and in turn glorifies the Father.

But This is Different!

I love excuses. Ask my family. If there's anything that can possibly justify something I shouldn't have done or didn't do, I'll name it in a heartbeat. It's a habit that followed me through years of school, and I'm ashamed to say is still very much with me. If I'm late to band practice, traffic was probably bad or a road was closed somewhere. When I forget to call someone, it's most likely because I was so swamped with important things that I couldn't even find time to text them a quick notice.

Why is making excuses such an easy thing to resort to?

Because it allows us to get away with stuff. Let me clarify- even in a legitimate circumstance (my tire really was flat), I find myself explaining the situation in an attempt to absolve myself of blame rather than as a reasonable apology/explanation. I don't have a problem telling someone that I was late due to traffic, with the intent of filling him in on the situation. However, I rarely look back on such a statement and see myself as having been that honest.

The thing that stands out to me most when I think about making excuses is how I drive. I'm not an unsafe driver; I go 3-5 over the limit on most roads and maybe just slightly faster on the interstate. I try as hard as I can to be aware of people around me and considerate of their driving habits. But I judge people almost constantly. If someone's driving too close to me, you better believe I'm thinking about how arrogant they must be to think they can do whatever they want at the expense of my comfort. When someone flies by in a blur on the interstate, I'm immediately imagining what kind of horrible person would have such blatant disregard for the law.

And then five minutes later I'm fuming at the Buick going 5 under the speed limit in the left lane.

It's hard to admit that I rarely ever consider how immensely hypocritical I am in those moments. Instead I start coming up with all the reasons why my situation is totally different and entails my actions.

I'm not even speeding, they're just driving slow.

The left lane is for passing, not driving the same speed as the person next to you.

I'm at least a good foot farther back than the guy who did this to me earlier.

As long as I don't cuss at him or pull a gun then it's really not that bad.

Jon Acuff wrote about Grace on a Plane recently, and I've been reminding myself of that post whenever I've gone out in the last couple days. I need to keep a few key things in mind- first, that I am not an authority figure in this case and shouldn't try to act like one. Second, regardless of others' actions, I am bound by Scripture to not only follow the law but to love those who don't without any air of superiority.

What does grace in a car look like for you?

Just Chillin in the Fridge

The temperature difference between the shade and in the sun right now has to be at least 20 degrees. In fact, on a day that I sweated from walking across campus, I am very near the edge of chilly after sitting in the shade for a couple hours. Ignoring my friend's cheeky explanation of how the sun/shade relationship works, I started thinking about things that help rejuvenate me. Here's the list I compiled, in no particular order.

1. Shade- As you probably gathered already, I particularly appreciate a drop in temperature on excessively warm days. I think that's normal for most people.

2. A cold drink- Duh. Everyone likes a glass of ice-cold lemonade when the daily highs start rivaling those on Mercury.

3. A cold shower- This one took a while to get used to. In true James Bond fashion, I slowly acquainted myself with the invigorating nature of cold showers. While it's not too appealing during the Boone winters, they certainly are refreshing after a game of ultimate.

4. Playing music- I'll also include listening to it (depending on what you're listening to). I've never quite understood why music is so powerful for me. All I know is when I'm having a crappy day, a couple hours with a guitar can easily change things.

5. Driving with the windows down- Riding on the parkway with fresh air flowing through the car is one of the most exhilarating things I can think of. Even though I usually think they're quite impractical and overrated, a convertible could be pretty nice some days. Also, Mom needs to let me get my motorcycle license. /end subliminal message

Worshipping From the Shadows

What drags you down? I find myself regularly being worn down by all sorts of things. Emotional struggles, concerns for my future, daily stress, countless factors that routinely grind my mind to its breaking point. This entire year has brought many frustrations for me, particularly in trying to determine where God is leading my life. I have had numerous days when I could scarcely force myself to leave my apartment, much less attend church or small group with other people.

Some people will claim that if you bring your troubles before God, He will take them all away. Perhaps a few more people believe that when we confess our struggles, God will simply put us at ease so we can at least function up to par. While these are definitely possible (although not necessarily frequent) situations, I think a different perspective is in order for the downcast Christian.

"Worship out of whatever pains you, concerns you, or absolutely delights you."

~Surprised by Worship, Travis Cotrell

I was skimming through Cotrell's book in the store last week, and this quote has since resounded in my head. We don't need to be carefree to worship God. When I get out of my car in the church parking lot on Sunday, I don't have any requirement to feel like praising God. I just need to realize where I am, and respond appropriately from there. If I am in pain, I praise the Lord for His power to deliver. If sorrowful, I praise Him for grieving with us.

God meets us where we stand, but we need to confess that truth. To sing songs in church with a fake smile on my face is to attempt to be deceitful before God, perhaps even arrogant. The truth is, I am so prideful that I have a hard time publicly revealing my weak human nature, especially when everyone else around me is cheerfully dancing and clapping.

I struggle with the other side of this argument- that God's grace should make us jubilant and overwhelm our worries. But the fact is, it doesn't always do that. We are indeed human, and we simply don't understand the magnitude of Christ's death for our salvation. We remain in sin and are distracted by things such as stress and pain. The point is that we can still worship Him when we don't feel like it.

I have to admit that I have arrived at church on Sunday morning to help lead worship without feeling any desire to do so. Sometimes I am burdened by frustration or stress, and other times I simply long for a couple more hours of sleep. That usually serves to only agitate me more, as I feel that I should be in the "right" mood. Fortunately, Christ knows our hearts whether we try to disguise them or not, and He praises the Father with us, be it in midst of pain or joy.

Your Martini Tastes Like Gasoline Pt. 2

I've written about this before, but in the last few days I've had a few new thoughts on the subject- food. Last time I talked about food, it was about how nice it was of God to make the taste appealing, instead of simply making eating an insipid daily necessity. With a little inspiration from the last couple weeks' sermons at my church, I realized that there's more to it than that. Food, in my eyes, has gone from something enjoyable to another opportunity to praise God.

Our pastor has been speaking on Romans 14- Paul's commands for the weak and strong in faith to stop condemning each other for their cockamamie differences. While not quite the main point, one thing that stood out to me was the demand to glorify God with whatever you might be doing. Whether it's abstaining from alcohol or enjoying a glass of wine, they're both sinful if not done with a fully persuaded conscience and the intent to praise God with the action. In short, if I eat a sandwich, I can not only enjoy the taste of it but I should also be lifting up God's name.

At this point I ran into a small roadblock. How the heck am I supposed to do that? It's simple enough to worship in song or prayer, or perhaps by tithing or helping out someone in need, but eating? Drinking? Tying my shoes?

Here's a starting point, and I have to confess that I haven't gotten much farther than that. In doing those things, acknowledge God's quality that relates to it. When I take a bite of a burger, I can remember that God provides life. When I wash my face I can confess that Christ has truly cleansed our sinful nature to stand blameless in heaven before the Father. When I buckle my seat belt, I can thank Him for protecting me from impure thoughts throughout the day.

Simple things like these can turn into constant reminders of God's infinite presence and even His persona. They become necessary windows of worship in lives that are so busy that focusing on Him becomes difficult. How can you glorify God through the routine actions in your day?

Episode VII: The Return of the New Hope

How do your actions change when something big is coming up? Perhaps you sit down and study for tomorrow's exam, even though you didn't look over your notes once in the last two weeks. Maybe you panic because you're not sure how Tuesday's jury is going to view your most recent shoplifting attempt. You might clean up the apartment before Mom and Dad arrive, since you certainly want them to think well of you, and a nice tidy living space might help that. Or maybe you can't fall asleep because the trip to the beach is looming and you haven't been this excited since Keanu Reeves and Nick Cage retired in the same weekend (*fingers crossed*).

It doesn't take much to realize that our lives can have very dramatic changes in a short period of time when we have the right incentive. Sometimes things instill dread in our minds, and other times we become so giddy with excitement that we can hardly function properly. It's a fairly normal thing, and there's been a particularly interesting case going around recently.

I'm assuming that most people have heard by now that Harold Camping has predicted tomorrow to be the date of the rapture, when Jesus returns to claim His followers. I don't want to discuss that specifically, but I find the effect his prediction has had on people to be curious. The reaction of Camping's followers ranges from a bold resurgence to spread the gospel (regardless of their Biblical support ), to a frantic preparation for the end times. Yet again, a far cry from what many of those people's lives looked like before they knew they would be gone tomorrow.

Even if we still have to get up and go to work on Monday, why does the concept of Christ's return not inspire us more? A widely accepted psychological fact is that a person awaiting something they don't know the date of will tend to anticipate it more strongly with every passing day. I am less likely to study on Monday for a test that I know will be Friday than I am for one that could be any day this week. However, I don't see the same effect in my spiritual life.

The entire concept of heaven is beautiful; being in God's presence is something so perfect to anticipate that it should cause everything I do to be in praise. The biggest difference between this and the response from those expecting Christ to return tomorrow is this- our lives should reflect the fact that we're looking forward to something, not fearing it. We should be so stoked that we can't contain it.

Perhaps this means being more open about our faith. Maybe it means being more honest with ourselves and acknowledging that we aren't living solely for God's glory, and then asking Him to help change that. For me, it means that I can freely worship without concern for my impurities, because one day I will be praising the King in person. And my praise will then be completely acceptable to Him. That's certainly something worth being so excited about that I can't sleep.

I'm not living for this life, cause I'm living for the next one.

~ Cross Movement

As Consistent as McAlister's Queso

I haven't posted in 4 months. I also haven't opened my Bible since church on Sunday, washed my sheets since Saturday, or brushed my teeth since this morning.

The problem is the last two are still regular habits. Every morning before I leave my apartment (assuming my normal schedule of wake up, frantically get ready, and run out the door to wherever I'm supposed to be in 5 minutes), I brush my teeth. I also do it before I go to sleep every night, and frequently at some point during the day. It's a habit that my mother instilled in me since I was young. I wash my sheets every Saturday morning, a slightly more recently developed practice but still a persistent one.

However, I obviously have lapses in other habits. It's fairly common knowledge that good habits take time to develop, yet they can be demolished with only a few I'll do it laters or It can waits. The same is true for digging into Scripture and praying. When I purposefully set aside time during my day for a week or two, it becomes normal and tends to continue for a while. But as soon as I take even one or two days off, it is much too easy to lose that part of my life altogether. Perhaps I'm viewing those things in the wrong way.

Instead of simply being good habits, I want my prayer life and tendency to crack open my Bible daily to be a constant desire. The end of Acts 2 says that the people who accepted the gospel devoted themselves to prayer and learning about Christ. I don't want to read my Bible out of habit. I want to desire the richness of God's teaching so much that I wake up in the morning yearning to read, and go to sleep at night wishing I had more hours in the day to speak to Him.

The only way for me to be transformed in that way is for me to accept that I am inconsistent, and I need Him to open my heart to desire Him more.

Define "Always"

I spoke with a friend tonight about the struggle my family and I encountered when I was diagnosed with TS and again later when my depression became apparent. It was not always obvious to me that my parents were concerned about helping me, and there were probably moments that their desire to do so waned slightly. They are burdened by the same human nature as the rest of us, something that I would never hold against them. In fact, the love that I see now that they had for me in the midst of trouble only points to the truly unfaltering love of God. Take a few minutes to really soak in these words; they have driven me to cry out in thanks for the perfection of the Father and His incessant desire to pursue us and receive our love in return.

He ever loves us in our brokenness
Weeps for every grief we face
Intercedes for us without ceasing
And bids us to receive His grace

His love protects us through the dark night
Never leaves us in our pain
He shelters us in His presence
In weakness, He perfects His strength

He ever loves us in our brokenness
In the cross He hides our shame
Forsaken by the Father
He died for us, He took our place

~Alex Mejias

P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

What have you forgotten recently? Where you left your keys? What time your class starts? Perhaps your son's phone number, or to return a missed call from last week. I forget stuff all the time. Usually it's something relatively insignificant, like leaving the light on in my room or not wearing boots instead of tennis shoes when there's half a foot of snow on the ground. Sometimes it can affect other people. When I was younger I used to come home and forget to take my shoes off, tracking dirt all over the house which Mom would then have to clean up. It can cause problems as well, such as neglecting to call a girlfriend or fixing a meal that your guest is allergic to.

Isn't it strange how easy it is to forget things, yet we remember so much that we don't want to?

The last few days have been rough for me, but not so much due to the current state of things around me. I've struggled with bad memories. Although some of the problems I've had recently are ones that I experienced in the past, they have hardly been as difficult as before. The biggest issue is that I am being constantly reminded of the darkest times of my life. Whether it be a movie or a bad dream, the problem seems to keep coming up and it has been effectively chipping away my energy and optimism.

You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.
Job 11:16

I wrote the other day about hope, and this is sometimes what I long for the most. For many years it has been a verse that I remind myself of frequently, and something struck me tonight while I was praying about it. In context, it is simply an assurance that we will be concerned with absolutely nothing if we "devote [our] heart to him, and stretch out [our] hands to him" (Job 11:13). I find the need to repeat myself; God does not always reach down and rid us of all our troubles when we ask Him to, but He does indeed hear us and remains faithful.

David Crowder's lyrics again remind me of the hope we have, but also the honest acceptance of our human condition.

In the end, no hurting
In the end, no more yearning
In the end, no suffering, no sadness or pain
. . .
'Til the end, there's hurting
'Til the end, there's yearning
'Til the end, there's suffering, here waiting

What I have to look forward to is so incredible that I can lie down in peace, knowing that hell has already been conquered and the memory of my pain will one day vanish in the sight of the Lord's face.

(Not) Waiting On the World to Change

Having Tourette's has the same effect on my life as dropping food coloring into a glass of water; it permeates every aspect of things. Not that I necessarily mind, in fact I still consider myself blessed to have TS. I'll have to go into that another time though.

I mention this because of something a friend asked the other day- "but being a Christian helps with that right?" My initial thought was "yes, of course" but as I considered the situation the rest of the night, I realized there's more to it. As difficult as it can be to accept sometimes, my faith does not always make things feel alright. In fact, very often I find myself frustrated because things should be easier as a Christian, right?

My faith does not make my present troubles diminish; however, it gives me hope for the future.

I know all these thoughts are fairly scattered but bear with me for a minute. David Crowder's lyrics ring in my head on this subject;

All is lost
find Him there, find Him there
After night
Dawn is there, dawn is there
After all falls apart
He repairs, He repairs

God does not step down and whisk away pain simply because we have faith in Him. Rather, we can eagerly await His coming to repair what is seemingly impossible to fix. When my tics are bad, or when depression has a tight grip on my thoughts, I don't see God stepping in and taking everything away to make my life better. What I do see is that He is faithful and is already preparing a place for me with Him in eternity. That thought is infinitely more comforting than if He would just take away my troubles.

If I were asked that question again, I would still answer yes but would have to explain. My faith "helps with stuff" because I know that anything I deal with is 1. within God's omnipotent grasp, and 2. part of His plan to bring redemption to a fallen race.

God isn't waiting for our world to change; He sent redemption as a man and now works actively to draw us to Him.

When Light Fades

I took a hiatus from writing publicly but obviously I'm back. I was reading through a few journals I had written in high school and noticed some disturbingly similar patterns in my life. The last few months have grown increasingly difficult, and I realized recently that I am learning more than I thought at first.

The truth is that I am still unable to honestly tell myself that it's okay to have help with things. I can't accept the fact that even if I have some control over stuff, I need to stop desperately trying to fix everything on my own.

The tricky thing about the human mind is that even when you know something for certain, sometimes you doubt it. I don't quite know how to explain the feeling, but I'm sure you've had it before. Imagine a completely dark room, one with absolutely no light and no way to see anything. There may be other things in the room that you saw when there was light, or maybe that you simply know are always there, but in that moment your certainty of their existence wanes. For most people it isn't a pleasant thought, being in total darkness. We have an eerie distrust for darkness, and the longer we are surrounded by it, the harder it is to convince ourselves of what we know.

This is humanity's struggle - to find comfort in truth, rather than attempt to cling to our own misguided thoughts for solace. I have recently had this delusion that because I have been in this shadow before, I am capable of simply razing the problem altogether in my mind. A close friend told me recently to speak the truth to myself at all times, so that it may resonate when I can no longer see any hint of relief. This is my struggle, to fall in the arms of gracious and faithful God, instead of trying to solve everything myself.

"Seems there is nothing to remind me of peace down here, so how come that all I feel is joy?"

~Blindside