Worshipping From the Shadows

What drags you down? I find myself regularly being worn down by all sorts of things. Emotional struggles, concerns for my future, daily stress, countless factors that routinely grind my mind to its breaking point. This entire year has brought many frustrations for me, particularly in trying to determine where God is leading my life. I have had numerous days when I could scarcely force myself to leave my apartment, much less attend church or small group with other people.

Some people will claim that if you bring your troubles before God, He will take them all away. Perhaps a few more people believe that when we confess our struggles, God will simply put us at ease so we can at least function up to par. While these are definitely possible (although not necessarily frequent) situations, I think a different perspective is in order for the downcast Christian.

"Worship out of whatever pains you, concerns you, or absolutely delights you."

~Surprised by Worship, Travis Cotrell

I was skimming through Cotrell's book in the store last week, and this quote has since resounded in my head. We don't need to be carefree to worship God. When I get out of my car in the church parking lot on Sunday, I don't have any requirement to feel like praising God. I just need to realize where I am, and respond appropriately from there. If I am in pain, I praise the Lord for His power to deliver. If sorrowful, I praise Him for grieving with us.

God meets us where we stand, but we need to confess that truth. To sing songs in church with a fake smile on my face is to attempt to be deceitful before God, perhaps even arrogant. The truth is, I am so prideful that I have a hard time publicly revealing my weak human nature, especially when everyone else around me is cheerfully dancing and clapping.

I struggle with the other side of this argument- that God's grace should make us jubilant and overwhelm our worries. But the fact is, it doesn't always do that. We are indeed human, and we simply don't understand the magnitude of Christ's death for our salvation. We remain in sin and are distracted by things such as stress and pain. The point is that we can still worship Him when we don't feel like it.

I have to admit that I have arrived at church on Sunday morning to help lead worship without feeling any desire to do so. Sometimes I am burdened by frustration or stress, and other times I simply long for a couple more hours of sleep. That usually serves to only agitate me more, as I feel that I should be in the "right" mood. Fortunately, Christ knows our hearts whether we try to disguise them or not, and He praises the Father with us, be it in midst of pain or joy.